i cried today

as the school year starts, and students settle back into the routine of english, math and science, they are also returning to routine, safety, and expectations. many of them have expectations of success, but those who i work with, rarely do. along with their new backpacks, they bring the heaviness of an unstable household, fears of a learning difficulty, the worries of their grandmother in the hospital, or in today's case: the anguish of a loved one dying, and not knowing what to do, but to start hurting himself physically.
this little 10 year old had recently experienced a loved uncle die this summer. today, he overheard his mom on the phone talking about how another uncle died. but all day long, he didn't know who, and was withdrawn and sullen. his teacher noticed, and also noticed how he began cutting himself with scissors, and then a razor he took from the pencil sharpener...this boy didn't tell her a word, and never opened his mouth, but just sat at his desk silently, sullenly.
while i was working with him on a risk assessment, and learned that he had just been through a death of a loved one this summer, my eyes welled up in sadness. all i could do was breathe deeply and give us both a moment of silence. after talking with his family, and making sure he didn't have further plans to harm himself, i just sat in silence for a few moments. it is times like this that i have to sit back in gratitude for all that i have and send out prayers to help this young man. i also feel helpless because of my limitations and the fact that once they leave campus, you just hope that they'll be protected and come to school the next day. i have to trust that there is a natural cycle in this world and even these crazy events in these innocent childrens lives are part of it. it just seems so bizarre that that's the way it is.