fight or flight

today i chased a pigeon around to demonstrate the idea of "flight." sometimes i wonder if i'm the one that needs to see a psych! :)

spring

when spring hits, it's usually with a sign of relief and also a flutter of activity. it's a time for gearing up to the end of the school year, testing like a fiend, and...getting layoff notices. especially in our state, this is a common thing. the uncommon thing about this year, is that even special ed school psychs are being cut. that leaves about 41 psychs for more than 100 schools in my district. and oh yeah, i got that reputed pink slip. it "recommended" that i "may or may not be needed" next year. what a predicament for teachers who are putting their blood sweat and tears into their jobs, and then they get this letter in march. how sucky that they have to go to work every day knowing they're expendable and feel as if they're in an awkward position to motivate students to do well on their end of the year tests and classes.
for me, i'm adopting a shrug, with "it is what it is" attitude. i will be disappointed if not asked back, but this weird seniority totem pole puts me at the bottom, and i can't do anything about it. well i could "fight" back, expend energy at a hearing, talk to the union people, all that drama. but really, it's probably an opportunity for some change (which i'm trying to embrace in the field of constant changes). maybe it will be good. all i know is that i'm not going to stress out over it. there are a lot of jobs out there (contrary to our economic perception). unfortunately, it's the students who get the dirty end of the stick, or however that saying goes. it's ironic that that's how our society rolls. we encourage ambition and success, but then set up our next generation for failure.
well, i'll take the small moments of success and spring time happiness where i can get it :) onward!

typical day

my "typical" day started with continuing a report i've been writing for a 4 year old i assessed for autism. he is the youngest student i've assessed so far. it was so much fun though cause he was so sweet and cute, it was funny working with him cause all i could do was laugh when he ignored my requests for a task and kept lining up the toy dinosaurs.
i then walked into the office, expecting to find a parent and our team there for a sst. parent didn't show, even though everyone else did and it was frustrating to waste time like that. but whatever, i should expect that now. but while waiting, i got to catch up with a teacher about a student. after i went back to my office, i got materials ready for testing. i ended up testing two students for hours today! still can't figure out what is "wrong" with one even though i exhausted him with two more tests today. poor thing. but ends up that he is one of the higher students i've tested in a while, despite remarks such as "i'm stupid" and "you're disappointed in me huh?" it was sad. but i told him he wasn't stupid and i had the proof. so i'm excited to tell him he's definitely not dumb.
i observed a little girl in 2nd grade and loved being that class. 2nd graders are hilarious. there was a sub and he was really good with them. one little girl needed a pencil, and the teacher bent down, picked one up, and then gave it to her. but it was another student's. so they were trying to tell the teacher that but he couldn't hear. so the girl was using the pencil, and eventually the teacher found out the boy needed a pencil so he got one for him and switched them. the funny thing was, that as another little boy walked passed the girls desk and dropped another pencil on her desk. she looked at it and said, i don't need that! so the teacher told her to put it away. and the boy who gave her the extra pencil looked at her with a little smile from his backpack while he got another pencil. cute!
after testing for a bit, i grabbed a boy that i've been counseling for grief, since his godsister and his cousin died. i met with him for a bit, but mostly it was to terminate the sessions because i didn't think that he was benefiting from counseling anymore. he just wanted to play. anyways, then i ate quickly, tried to score some protocols and tested again right in time for a sst for a boy in 4th grade who has focus issues. the meeting turned into just a few of us and then just the teacher and me and i felt kinda like i hadn't been that helpful because she wanted to implement a whole schedule where he gets one on one help everyday for a little while. but i really couldn't commit to that even though i tried for another student.
i then compiled consent forms for my boys group counseling and handed them out to teachers. i am over the top with assessments and starting the group and also trying to do the collaborative problem solving program. so i am a bit overwhelmed to say the least.
after i scored more protocol and connected with another teacher about pending paperwork, i got my stuff together to go home. on my way out at 4, i saw a student who has been asking to "come with me" and "when am i gonna pick him up?" and i had gotten a message from his mother saying she would like him to have counseling. i spoke to him wondering what he would like to see me for and i told him what i did with students. he still wanted to see me and told me that he had thoughts of suicide. so i was like, uh ok! (red flag!) i made sure he was ok and that he wouldn't be harming himself over the next few days, then i said that either myself or one of the interns will be meeting with him next week. i think i need more time at my elementary school...

you know you're a school psychologist when...

* you start using words like "discrepancy" or "cognitive abilities" in conversations with others not involved in education
* you look at kids in the grocery store and wonder if they're on the spectrum
* by june, you're mentally and emotionally exhausted, and wonder if even the summer will be able to heal you
* when september hits, you are ramped up to go, and start assessing student so you'll be on time with tri's due by the 30th.
* you read articles on the brain...for fun.
* you actually begin to understand what a "standard deviation," "confidence interval," and "cognitive processing (including association, expression, and conceptualization" disorder are.
* a student brings a 4" blade to school and you're already writing the threat assessment in your head.

really?

so, really? bringing a gun to school when you're already on thin ice, and now i have to determine if it was a manifestation of your disability? and the school district didn't have a teacher for your needs all year so far? really?
and oh little one, you just had a brain tumor removed and are going through chemo while your right side of the body is paralyzed and now i have to test you with all kinds of assessments to get cognitive levels and functioning levels? and you're homeless? really?!
and you who are in a counseling enriched program for mostly students with emotional disturbance are possibly displaying autistic-like qualities and now i have to re-assess you because one person wants you to be labeled and placed accordingly? okay, but do i really need to do a tri one year early?
oh! and you are one of the middle schoolers that is constantly in the "intervention" office because you are thrown out of class for calling your teacher a B**** and you go home to a broken household so you turn to your gang-affiliated friends to have some stability and identity. and now you flash the gang colors and attitude. so, really?
and the girls group i run has a girl who thinks "i do too much" because we run a point system, and then she goes and fights another student because they looked at her the wrong way? and at the pizza party she brings home three pieces of pizza because she doesn't know if she'll get dinner? talk about survival skills. it's fight or flight time for 95% of the students i work with.

that's the reality. really.

the thing that is tough

the thing that is tough for me are the things i can't control. like case management for students. this is one of the hardest dynamics that i'm caught in this year. my supervisor wants to make sure we are in compliance with state law (which makes sense, right?) and therefore holds us accountable for turning in reports before due dates. i don't have any problems with this, but since i don't case manage the paperwork, it is difficult to start an assessment (and illegal) without an assessment plan signed by parents. much of the time late plans, iep meetings and academic assessment (to supplement the evaluation) are the result of case managers who are very overwhelmed with their jobs as teachers, paperwork pushing, and other tasks throughout the day. but there must be something built in to help them right? sometimes. they have preps, some only teach for a few periods a day, and some do resource pull-out or push-in services which are pretty flexible. but they do have a ton of students to service...
how do we get stuff done on time in public education? that is the big question...it's a catch 22 i guess.

how much is too much, really?

well, we began the school year with a lot of behavior issues. one student in particular has had a history of severely violent and aggressive behaviors. he is in 5th grade and was diagnosed with a few things. among them, bi-polar disorder. well, the first week of school, we had a parent meeting, and subsequently did A LOT of paperwork to get more support for him. he just wasn't in the right setting. jumping students and teachers left and right...and very short triggers for his temper. poor kid has a ton of rage. but also attention seeking behaviors, as well as escapist behaviors. that includes running from the school almost every week. so we had to call the cops. i'm best friends with the district school police now. ;)
so now it's november. he was suspended a few weeks ago, but came back to campus. a family member came to get him and it got "out of control" violent. parents, students and staff were witnesses to lots of punching, hitting, and spitting. it was not pretty. he was taken into custody by the county foster system. i just learned that he had difficulties in his foster placement as well, and the police had to bring him back to a temporary holding center. now he is officially "in the system" and that kid is on my brain like a tumor. i can't get him out and i've worked with him enough to see so many sides of him. there's the sweet, vulnerable side, then the crying, attention seeking side, then the violent rage "i can't help what i'm doing" side. too much frustration, anger, trauma, loneliness, and sadness for a dude in a 10 year old body. it's pretty sad.